


The path that we do not choose

by Meeeeeeemes



Series: Can you hold me..? [1]
Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drug Use, Happy Ending, Homeless Peter Parker, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Peter Parker Angst, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Peter Parker is a Mess, Peter Parker-centric, Please Don't Hate Me, Poor Peter Parker, Protective Tony Stark, Suicide Attempt, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Underage Drinking, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-23 03:33:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23005075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meeeeeeemes/pseuds/Meeeeeeemes
Summary: Peter is only 15 when he loses everything. Now, a year later he manages to save Stark's plane from the Vulture, putting himself on the radar of Tony Stark.Tony never expected to find a homeless teen. But now, when in a dark alley, when life was slowly leaving Peter's body, he swore to himself he would try to make everything he could to help the poor kid.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Can you hold me..? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1661719
Comments: 12
Kudos: 306





	The path that we do not choose

**Author's Note:**

> Just to make things clear. I am not native speaker, so some mistakes can be found. Things happened a little different here (notes below will explain a little bit of Peter's past).
> 
> Peter is 6 when his parents die, and 15 when he gets his powers. Uncle Ben is shot a week later. May and Peter try to move on but then May dies in a car accident, what leaves Peter homeless. He runs away from social services, cuts himself from everyone he knew. He starts being self-destructive.
> 
> Please don't read if triggered. I know some of you still will, but know that I care about every single one of you (how cheesy is that, huh?). Reach out to me or someone else if you need help. You are loved even if you don't feel it.
> 
> (I finished it at 00.20 and I have like 5 more hours of sleep and I don't have any energy left to reread this and catch any mistakes so

Peter hated parties. 

Actually no, scratch that.

He used to hate parties. Now, they were a new possibilities to get drunk and forget about the rest of the world. Forget about the pain of living, no matter how basic that sounded. 

He drunk till he couldn’t remember anything. And it was some way of coping, he told himself. If it kills him, God, he didn’t know. 

He doesn’t care anymore. He even craved it. Not that he was actively trying to kill himself, it was just the small things: pills he took with alcohol, cutting too deep. But they were never a suicide attempt. 

Never. 

After May’s death everything seemed to blur together. Days, feelings, so now he was filled with emptiness, a big void almost impossible to fill. He stopped eating, stopped sleeping (the only times he slept when he was wasted), he just stopped caring. 

Cause why should he?

The universe never cared for him in the first place. If the things were different his parents would still be with him. Uncle Ben would still be with him. Flash wouldn’t make his life miserable when he was in school.

Aunt May would still be alive…

He took a sip of his drink. 

Vodka. He wasn’t a fan of it but it was fairly cheap and did the job. 

A few months back he would never touch a single drop of alcohol. But now? It was one of his few ways to escape from suffocating reality.

Everybody he gets close to dies. 

So it was better if he stayed away from everybody. 

_______________________________

The alley was dark and it smelled horribly, but it was the only place he had to shelter himself from the weather. It was pouring like hell, his clothes were soaking wet and he was freezing. 

Actually, he thinks he could freeze to death, taking the fact he can’t thermoregulate. 

But that wasn’t important. 

Important was the needle in the crook of his elbow, slowly drugging his body into warmth. 

But it wasn’t enough and he knew that. The dose he took would only satisfy him for a couple of hours, and it was his last one.

He was short on money he stole, homeless and a drug addict. Social services were after him, and he knew he couldn’t run from them forever. There were still two years till his eighteen birthday, and he knew they were going to look for him.

Euphoria took over his body leaving him in a false sensation of warmth and happiness. 

All other thoughts drifted away and Peter never felt more happy. 

_______________________________

The awareness came short after. His enhanced metabolism burned through drugs easily, leaving him craving more and more each time. 

He pulled himself up despite the dizziness and slowly made his way into the streets. It was dark and cold but he was used to it. Queens were a place where he grew up in. He never stood the thought of leaving it. Even though he couldn’t protect it the way he used to. 

Ge gave up being Spider-man. Not after Ben and May. Their death shocked him more than when he lost his parents. 

He never wanted to end up like this. He never wanted his life turned into a mess. 

But there was no time to self-pity. He deserved it. He got all of his family killed, he was meant to be alone. 

But before all this happened he was a happy child with a perfect childhood and loving family. 

Then it all went to hell.

_____________________________

The ferry incident happened. 

Suddenly he was on a radar, Iron Man looking for him everywhere. Peter knew the man was not going to give up, and will eventually find him. That thought terrified him. He didn’t want to be found nor saved. He didn’t need anybody! He was fine all on his own, nobody was endangered by him and nobody was gonna get killed because of him. 

But deep down he wanted someone to save him. 

He just kept that thought hidden. 

_____________________________

Turned out some dealers are much nicer than others. 

„First one free, kid” the dealer said with a predator smile „You know where to find me when you need more. But then you pay, understood?”

Peter nodded not looking the man in the eyes. He was looking at the small bag of white powder in his hands.

„Sure thing” he replied. 

There was no need for the next one. He was planning to end it all tonight.

The night was cold as walked back to the alley in which he slept. 

The world around seemed even colder.

_______________________________

Familiar sense of warmth filled his body. He took the needle out of his arm and dropped it on the ground beside him. He was to weak to do anything else, even though there wasn’t a thing to do now.

He was dying. The dose he took was too strong, even for him. Peter collected it for a week, only taking small doses He already could feel his heartbeat slowing, his breathing more and more shallow. 

His eyes closed slowly. He was so tired.

The cuts made his left arm ache dully. The blood was staining his clothes but he didn’t pay attention to it. A smile made a way to his face, his eyes almost closed. 

So that’s how dying feels.

It was surprisingly peaceful. No thoughts, no feelings. Just emptiness, and long awaited rest. He never felt anything like that.

The pain came unexpectedly.

His arm started hurting. He grabbed it weakly, letting out a small whimper. Blood was slipping through his fingers.

„Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck” he tried to stop the bleeding but his body was too weak to heal him.

A pained sob escaped his lips. He didn’t want to die. He just wanted things to be better.

Please, the world is so cruel, what did I do to deserve this, please somebody help me, please, please, please….

„Kid? Are you alright?” he heard a voice

He knew that voice. 

He knew that voice like his own. He watched too many programs on TV to not know that voice.

Tony Stark finally found him.

More sobs escaped his lips. 

„Please” he weeped „I don’t wanna die… please.. please help me..”

His vision blurred. He felt himself hit the hard surface below him. He probably hit his head. He didn’t feel that. 

Someone cursed and soon he was cradled in someones arms. 

„… awake! .. -don’t close your eyes!” 

He was so tired.

I’m sorry

Then he closed his eyes and drifted away. 

______________________________________

Slowly his consciousness regained itself. He groaned softly. 

He heard something move beside him. Then a hand touched his forehead.

He tried to open his eyes. 

Immediately the light blinded him, making him whine.

„FRIDAY dim the lights by 70%.” the familiar voice said.

He felt his surroundings darken. He tried to open his eyes again, and this time there was nothing standing in his way. 

A weird machine stood beside him, beeping softly. There was an IV in his right arm and a bandage on his left. He felt dizzy. His head was spinning and there was an unpleasant feeling of dizziness.

„Hey kiddo.” 

He tuned his head towards the noice and immediately regretted it when a wave of nausea hit him. He closed his eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. Soon the nausea passed. 

„Peter, please look at me kiddo.”

Fuck, he was afraid. 

Tony’s voice was gentle though, tempting to open his eyes.

So he did. 

The man looked horrible. His hair was dirty, like we hasn’t washed it in a couple of days. His beard was uneven and overgrown and his eyes had giant bags under them. 

Though when Tony saw Peter look at him, he gave the most honest smile. 

Tony Stark was smiling at him. 

Wow

„Am-„ he tried to speak but his voice was hoarse and it hurried to speak „Am I de-dead?”

Tony’s eyes softened as he run his head through Peter’s hair. 

„No” he said gently „You’re alive. I was able to get you here in time to save you.”

Peter closed his eyes. He could feel the tears running down his cheeks but he didn’t bother to wipe them.

He felt.. happy? Relieved? Disappointed? He couldn’t tell. There was so much going on in his head.

You can’t even kill yourself properly

A chocked down a sob, his body trembling. 

„Hey, its okay, I’ve got you. You can rest now. You are safe here.”

Please, please let this be true.

Peter looked at the man, his vision blurry with tears that he barely saw anything. 

„W-why? Why di-did you save m-me?” he whispered

Tony’s eyes looked at him with something he couldn’t decipher. 

„Oh kid…” he just said gently as he wiped the tears from Peter’s face.

The teen laid there crying. He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve the gentle touch, the care. He was going to mess it all up, like he always did.

„Let it all out, child, let it out”

Peter did.

_____________________________

Tony stayed with him through the night, and for the next couple of days. 

There was also a doctor that came every few hours to check on him. She was nice, always spoking softly and being patient with him. Bandages on his arms were removed, along with the stitches, leaving ugly scars. The IV was still in his arms, and he had tube that went from his nose to his stomach, to feed him, since he was too weak to do it for himself. 

Tony talked to him all the time, making sure he didn’t fell alone. There were a couple of times when he had to leave to make a call, but the nice doctor, Helen Cho, always kept him company, when Tony couldn’t. 

Eventually he started to get better, after a few painful hours of detoxing, when he screamed himself hoarse. But neither Tony nor Helen left him. They stayed, holding him when he threw up, or taking his hand when he cried. He never wanted to experience something like that in his life.

Tony got him a therapist, and everyday’s sessions were tiring, but his mental health improved with every one of them. 

He still had nightmares. They haunted him since he could remember. But they got worse after the Vulture. The building collapsing on him, his family dying, the blood on his hands. Tony was the one to calm him down and taking care of him after every one go them. 

Peter never felt so taken care of. He finally had someone to take care of him. At first he wasn’t used to it, after such a long time of living in the streets. 

The tube disappeared, and he enjoyed every bite of food Tony brought him. The man laughed when he saw Peter stuff his face with food, like his life depended on this. 

Everything went good. 

There were worst days, there always were. When the voices were too loud Tony sang him songs, to get him to sleep. He made him eat and everyday they would go on a walk. 

Something in Peter started growing. Hope. 

He denied it at first, tried to hide it deep inside him, until it disappeared. But then Tony surprised him with the guardianship papers. They both cried for a few hours holding tightly to each other. 

And for the first time Peter felt genuinely happy. And he showed it to Tony every day. He smiled, he laughed. 

He had hope for better tomorrow.

And he held tightly to it.


End file.
